Dear Daddy,
I have caught myself having some of the same conversations with James and Thomas that you had with me. I ask them all the time to stay little for Mommy. James replies “But Mommy, I want to get big like you and Daddy”. He asked me the other day “Mommy, is it okay if I get big even since you want me to stay little?”. My reply “I guess so.” James: “Mommy, when I get big will you marry me?” Well, now I know how much it melted your heart when I asked you the very same thing. My mind immediately went back to being 6 and having that same conversation with you. I still remember the smile it brought to your face.
I think one of my fondest memories was when I was in High school and some punk broke my heart. I was sitting in the front living room just crying. You came in and sat next to me on the couch and put your arm around me and said “Just stay with Dad, I won’t ever break your heart.” Then we watched the Jungle Book together and you made me laugh by singing the King of the Jungle. Years later, we are standing together at the back of the church waiting to go down the aisle and you looked at me and said “You know you don’t have to get married, you could just stay with Dad and I will go and tell everyone and no one will be upset.” I said “Dad, I love you but I gotta get married.” Looks like I married my Dad after all. Jamie is a lot like you. I must say though, you didn’t live up to your end of the deal. You did break my heart, the day you died. I haven’t been the same since. I know it wasn’t your fault and it was God’s timing, but it still hurt the same. Just shows how much I loved you. Your six year anniversary was the 25th. I’m sorry I didn’t go to the cemetery. It’s just too hard. The reality of it really hits you when you see that headstone. I know you aren’t there, and I know you understand why I didn’t go.
Well, I will start job hunting next week. That’s right, I’m going back to work at the hospital. I’ve missed it. I really enjoyed getting to know the families and patients. I know it is what I was meant to do or I wouldn’t love it so much. I will probably try to get a job at Baptist. I just don’t want to be away from my boys. They are so young and I don’t want to miss anything with them. I am strongly considering the weekend option. Work Saturday night and Sunday night. I can go straight from work to church and go to first service. Then, Dana is going to let me just come sleep the day at her house. So, that would mean I’m only gone from the boys for one day and I have the rest of the week with them. I wish you could tell me your thoughts on this. I’m sure you would think it was okay. I know your only concern would be church. Pastor Rod is interesting enough, that I doubt I would sleep thru his sermons. (HA!!)
Speaking of church, you wouldn’t believe how much it has changed. We have gone to three services now, can you believe it? It’s pretty strange. I know it has got to be a struggle on the staff. The church itself is doing really good. I have done two CPR classes for them. It was strange Saturday, because I taught Pam, Reta, and Shirley “Judy”. They have known me since I was in junior high and now I am teaching them. Crazy huh? I know you would have been puffed up with pride. Anyway, they are getting ready to start a Mother’s Day Out program, so that was why I was doing the CPR classes. Kids in Worship was last night. Katherine had a solo and did so good. Got lots of pictures. Afterwards, we went out with Dana and girls and Storm's family. You would love his mom and dad. They are really sweet. Mom and Tommy really enjoyed talking with them. I really think Storm is the one for Dana. I haven’t seen her this happy in a long time. He has already asked all of us for our blessing to ask for her hand in marriage. He even talked to Pastor Rod. From what I understand he gave him the Father talk that he promised you he would. I know that you had some conversations with him and I will probably never know what what said, but I am glad that you two were so close. I know he has a lot on his plate and he has to be a lot of things to a lot of people; but he has really made all of us feel like we weren’t abandoned.
Mom is doing good. I have been going up there on Thursday’s and spending time with her. We scrapbook and goof off. This past Thursday when I got there, she said “let’s just go shopping and not stay at the house.” Of course I said well sure! You know me, I am always up for shopping. We saved you quite a bit of money!!!! We laughed so much that day and just really enjoyed being together. She is really happy. Of course, none of us will ever truly be the same since you are gone but we are making the best of it. Tommy is so good to her and I really do love him. He will never take your place, but thanks for sending someone who cares for me like you did.
Let’s see, James just finished baseball. That was a joke! He is so shy that baseball was just not his thing. Every time he would get up to bat, if he hit the ball of course everyone would scream; well he thought they were mad at him and he would run straight to the dugout crying. I always make the joke that if they hadn’t cut the umbilical cord he would still be attached. He would stand in the field and cry and say “Mommy I want you”. Pitiful! We would bribe him with ice cream cones, doughnuts, icee’s anything we could think of to just stay out on the field. When it was his turn to bat, I would have to stand right next to the batter’s box just so he would go up there. You would have laughed so hard. But, it is finally over. We go Thursday night to the party to get our trophy. Jamie and I have earned it!!!!
Okay, some funny stories about the boys:
James loves to quote movies. The great thing is that now he knows when to quote them. Two examples:
1. The other night, while I was gone, the boys kept going into the front room where I keep all my stuff. Jamie told them several times to stay out of there and turned out the light. Not a minute later James was in there and Jamie really got on to him. He came out of the room and sat in the doorway. He lowered his head down and said “I'm such a loser”. Jamie was so upset and asked him "where in the world did you hear that?" James looked up and smiled and said "The Barnyard", then went on about his business.
2. Friday, James and Thomas were helping us work outside. James was sitting down and Jamie said “come on James, help Daddy.” James replied “I’m too tired.” Jamie: “Why, you haven’t really done anything.” James: “You been kickin my butt for two days now.” Jamie just came unglued and said “who taught you that”. James “From Open Season”. Of course, we had to teach him that we don’t say butt. Amazing what they pick up.
Thomas is just plain funny. No matter what he says or does. Last night while we were eating he shoved a whole bunch of spaghetti in his mouth, then stood up in the chair and said “Look at me Mommy, I’m stronger.” Then proceeded to flex his tiny muscles. Of course, everyone at the table got a good laugh. The kid is a bottom-less pit. He likes everything that you eat. If I am sitting on the couch eating bran cereal he comes up and says “Hey mommy will you share with me.” How can you resist.
Well, I love you so much. I am going to try and do better and write at least every couple of days. I miss you so much!
I love you forever!
Jan – Baby Girl
I have caught myself having some of the same conversations with James and Thomas that you had with me. I ask them all the time to stay little for Mommy. James replies “But Mommy, I want to get big like you and Daddy”. He asked me the other day “Mommy, is it okay if I get big even since you want me to stay little?”. My reply “I guess so.” James: “Mommy, when I get big will you marry me?” Well, now I know how much it melted your heart when I asked you the very same thing. My mind immediately went back to being 6 and having that same conversation with you. I still remember the smile it brought to your face.
I think one of my fondest memories was when I was in High school and some punk broke my heart. I was sitting in the front living room just crying. You came in and sat next to me on the couch and put your arm around me and said “Just stay with Dad, I won’t ever break your heart.” Then we watched the Jungle Book together and you made me laugh by singing the King of the Jungle. Years later, we are standing together at the back of the church waiting to go down the aisle and you looked at me and said “You know you don’t have to get married, you could just stay with Dad and I will go and tell everyone and no one will be upset.” I said “Dad, I love you but I gotta get married.” Looks like I married my Dad after all. Jamie is a lot like you. I must say though, you didn’t live up to your end of the deal. You did break my heart, the day you died. I haven’t been the same since. I know it wasn’t your fault and it was God’s timing, but it still hurt the same. Just shows how much I loved you. Your six year anniversary was the 25th. I’m sorry I didn’t go to the cemetery. It’s just too hard. The reality of it really hits you when you see that headstone. I know you aren’t there, and I know you understand why I didn’t go.
Well, I will start job hunting next week. That’s right, I’m going back to work at the hospital. I’ve missed it. I really enjoyed getting to know the families and patients. I know it is what I was meant to do or I wouldn’t love it so much. I will probably try to get a job at Baptist. I just don’t want to be away from my boys. They are so young and I don’t want to miss anything with them. I am strongly considering the weekend option. Work Saturday night and Sunday night. I can go straight from work to church and go to first service. Then, Dana is going to let me just come sleep the day at her house. So, that would mean I’m only gone from the boys for one day and I have the rest of the week with them. I wish you could tell me your thoughts on this. I’m sure you would think it was okay. I know your only concern would be church. Pastor Rod is interesting enough, that I doubt I would sleep thru his sermons. (HA!!)
Speaking of church, you wouldn’t believe how much it has changed. We have gone to three services now, can you believe it? It’s pretty strange. I know it has got to be a struggle on the staff. The church itself is doing really good. I have done two CPR classes for them. It was strange Saturday, because I taught Pam, Reta, and Shirley “Judy”. They have known me since I was in junior high and now I am teaching them. Crazy huh? I know you would have been puffed up with pride. Anyway, they are getting ready to start a Mother’s Day Out program, so that was why I was doing the CPR classes. Kids in Worship was last night. Katherine had a solo and did so good. Got lots of pictures. Afterwards, we went out with Dana and girls and Storm's family. You would love his mom and dad. They are really sweet. Mom and Tommy really enjoyed talking with them. I really think Storm is the one for Dana. I haven’t seen her this happy in a long time. He has already asked all of us for our blessing to ask for her hand in marriage. He even talked to Pastor Rod. From what I understand he gave him the Father talk that he promised you he would. I know that you had some conversations with him and I will probably never know what what said, but I am glad that you two were so close. I know he has a lot on his plate and he has to be a lot of things to a lot of people; but he has really made all of us feel like we weren’t abandoned.
Mom is doing good. I have been going up there on Thursday’s and spending time with her. We scrapbook and goof off. This past Thursday when I got there, she said “let’s just go shopping and not stay at the house.” Of course I said well sure! You know me, I am always up for shopping. We saved you quite a bit of money!!!! We laughed so much that day and just really enjoyed being together. She is really happy. Of course, none of us will ever truly be the same since you are gone but we are making the best of it. Tommy is so good to her and I really do love him. He will never take your place, but thanks for sending someone who cares for me like you did.
Let’s see, James just finished baseball. That was a joke! He is so shy that baseball was just not his thing. Every time he would get up to bat, if he hit the ball of course everyone would scream; well he thought they were mad at him and he would run straight to the dugout crying. I always make the joke that if they hadn’t cut the umbilical cord he would still be attached. He would stand in the field and cry and say “Mommy I want you”. Pitiful! We would bribe him with ice cream cones, doughnuts, icee’s anything we could think of to just stay out on the field. When it was his turn to bat, I would have to stand right next to the batter’s box just so he would go up there. You would have laughed so hard. But, it is finally over. We go Thursday night to the party to get our trophy. Jamie and I have earned it!!!!
Okay, some funny stories about the boys:
James loves to quote movies. The great thing is that now he knows when to quote them. Two examples:
1. The other night, while I was gone, the boys kept going into the front room where I keep all my stuff. Jamie told them several times to stay out of there and turned out the light. Not a minute later James was in there and Jamie really got on to him. He came out of the room and sat in the doorway. He lowered his head down and said “I'm such a loser”. Jamie was so upset and asked him "where in the world did you hear that?" James looked up and smiled and said "The Barnyard", then went on about his business.
2. Friday, James and Thomas were helping us work outside. James was sitting down and Jamie said “come on James, help Daddy.” James replied “I’m too tired.” Jamie: “Why, you haven’t really done anything.” James: “You been kickin my butt for two days now.” Jamie just came unglued and said “who taught you that”. James “From Open Season”. Of course, we had to teach him that we don’t say butt. Amazing what they pick up.
Thomas is just plain funny. No matter what he says or does. Last night while we were eating he shoved a whole bunch of spaghetti in his mouth, then stood up in the chair and said “Look at me Mommy, I’m stronger.” Then proceeded to flex his tiny muscles. Of course, everyone at the table got a good laugh. The kid is a bottom-less pit. He likes everything that you eat. If I am sitting on the couch eating bran cereal he comes up and says “Hey mommy will you share with me.” How can you resist.
Well, I love you so much. I am going to try and do better and write at least every couple of days. I miss you so much!
I love you forever!
Jan – Baby Girl
1 comment:
Jan,
Loved your blog. It really is close to my heart that you do this since I lost my dad at 15. He never did get to walk me down the aisle but I was proud when my mom and brother both did in his place. I love hearing about the boys and just like you I married a man that turned out to be quite a lot like my dad.
Thanks
Malinda Lilly "mobo"
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