Thursday, June 26, 2008

Truth


Dear Daddy,

Truth is, I am terrified about going back to work. I’ve been out for 3 years now, what if I’m really not that good a nurse. I am truly scared, but I am going to go back. My plan is to get my resume ready this weekend and start the job hunt Monday. I can use all the good luck you can give me.

Truth is, I have really enjoyed having the boys home with me. I am typing this letter next to James, who has his computer with him typing as fast as me. The boys are getting so big. I just don’t want to miss out on anything. I don’t want work to pull me away from anything they are doing. I’m sure lots of mom’s feel the same way. Guess I shouldn’t be so spoiled about it. I just think about my life as a kid and what I remember most and cherish the most were the times we all spent together as a family. I remember you letting us ride on your back around the house. Going on trips to Branson and Eureka Springs. Do you remember the cabin in the woods we stayed in and watched the movie “The Birds”. I was so freaked out for days. I just knew the birds were going to come get us in the woods. We had some good family vacations.

Truth is, Dana doesn’t need me anymore. She is getting married. Storm finally bought her a ring and they will probably be married by the end of the summer. Don’t get me wrong I am very happy for her. But it always feels good to be needed. The girls really love him and he is so good to all of them. They need a Dad and I’m glad that they have found someone who will love them and treat them good. Those girls have gotten so big and they miss you so much. Whitney is 5’8” and gorgeous. She has been giving Dana fits, but Dana has her in counseling and I think it will help. Katherine is just as cute as she can be. I’m not real sure how much she remembers of you, but she talks about you a lot. I hate that you aren’t here to enjoy all of your grandkids.

Truth is, Jamie and I are a lot better than we have been. Boy, there are so many things that can strain a marriage. All the crap that we have been through in the last two years has really hurt us. Things are getting better. We had a great talk the other day and really, I think if we would just communicate instead of hiding behind our kids our life together would be so much better. I love him and he reminds me a lot of you. I just don’t want to see him waste his talents. He has so many great ideas and could really do great things and maybe the school is his calling, I just have to trust his instincts.

Truth is, I miss you so much! I know I say it every time, but it is true. I want you here so bad. Life changed so much once you left. I’m not a fan of change either! I just wish you could be here with the boys. You would enjoy every minute with them. They both love to fish. James doesn’t want to touch the fish and Thomas would eat them right out of the water. Thomas definitely has your sense of humor and James is starting to look just like you. Thomas still calls Pastor Rod, Grandfather. Anytime I need a Dad hug I know I can get one from him. They just aren’t the same though. There is something about a Daddy’s hug, not only do you feel engulfed by them, but you also feel the intense love your Daddy has for you in them. Okay, gonna have to get off this subject, starting to cry.

Funny stories about the boys:

James:
Jamie had the boys in the car and they drove by McClellan, where the big boys were out practicing football. Jamie told them, “Look boys, they are practicing football. They will practice for the next three months to get ready for the season.” James said, “Three months, that will take weeks!”

He calls Wild River Country “Wild Berry Country”

Thomas:
Thomas was sitting in the chair with me the other night. I was talking to James and Thomas flicked me on my face. I said “hey why are you doing that”. He looked at me and smiled and said “You need to chill out!” Where do these kids learn these things!

Well, I love you and miss you just as much.
Love forever,
Jan "Baby girl"

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